So, for about the last month, I have been truly single for the first time since I was 20 years old. What do I mean by truly single? No boyfriend, no men I've kept on the back-burner to call up, no men in my cross hairs, no prospects. I am single. And not in a "I need to run to the bar and pick up the first thing that talks to me," type of way, but in the, "I want to figure out some more things about myself before I go thrusting myself into another disaster," type of way.
I've suspected it before, but have been too proud to admit it - I think I might as well face it, I'm addicted to love. Even though I am a fully independent, and what some may consider even a successful woman, I've always had the notion that someday I would actually bump into Prince Charming and we would have this super-romantic courtship & get married in a castle underneath a rainbow or some ridiculous shit like that. The Disney Complex, if you will. I enjoy knowing someone's thinking about me. Vain? Maybe. Honest? Yep.
Anyways, over the last month I've had some time to evaluate things I will no longer be willing to deal with in relationships, and here's a few things I've come up with so far.
1. I will no longer consider "house dates" dates.
No sir, sorry. You coming over to lay around on my couch with me can be nice, and acceptable sometimes, but this is not a date. Get in the habit of doing this, and good luck ever seeing a real date out of that man. I'm a lady. Take me out and treat me like one. House dates are especially not dates when the guy comes over at like 8pm and I've already cooked for myself (and because I am a good person, I've made a point to make a bunch extra for him to eat). Wait a minute, did you just trick me into making you dinner? And then cleaning up after you? Eff that! I'm not your mother!
2. I will no longer pursue men.
What ever happened to men liking the chase? Some men expect women to fawn all over them like they are a designer purse at a warehouse sale. I will no longer be that woman. I'm not trying to be difficult, but if you want to get in contact with me again, ask me for my number. I'm not going to assume that any chemistry I thought I felt was mutual.
3. Text messaging will not be our primary means of communication
If you want to know how my day was, pick up the phone like a big boy, call me, and ask. No more texting throughout the day (leaving absolutely nothing to talk about when the work day is over). Let me focus on my work while I am in the office, and we can focus on each other while we are on the phone, or on a date. Too much is "lost in translation" via anything other than actual person to person communication. I'm done getting upset, or causing a fight, when what I text you was something completely harmless, and was misinterpreted, and caused a nuclear fall out.
4. I will no longer date men who care more about the way that they look than I do.
You look in every mirror you walk by and smile at yourself? Sweet. Do you also have pictures of yourself in the bathroom on your social networking sites? Awesome. You're a man, right? You are supposed to be the hairy goofy looking one and I am supposed to be the pretty pretty princess. Stop getting it twisted. And stop buying knock off designer accessories. If you can't afford the real thing, just don't try. Any real woman will know the difference and judge you for it.
5. Spell Check!
I will never again date a man who doesn't know the difference between to, too, and two, or your and you're. Do I even have to explain why?
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